What is It like to See a Dead Body?

My grandad & I, circa. 1990

Just a gentle warning as this may be confronting for some readers.

I believe that losing a loved one—whether human or animal—is one of the most profound and challenging experiences we face in life. When that moment of goodbye arrives, many of us are faced with the difficult decision to see our loved one one last time—sometimes in a morgue or funeral home. There are so many other dimensions to this topic, but this is the aspect I felt I inspired to share with you today.

As someone with a long-standing fascination with the "other side," I’ve experienced a fair share of death and grief—losing family members (my earliest memory being at 2 years old) and friends along the way. Although there has been trauma, I haven’t had many direct encounters with actually seeing a deceased person.

I was 17 when I saw my first dead body—my grandad’s. I felt a mixture of curiosity and fear; time seemed to stand still during those moments I was with him in that room. I didn’t go all the way into the room either, he was a comical character, and part of me half-expected him to suddenly sit up and make that funny face he used to do to us when we were kids! But I knew I had to see him to say goodbye as we were very close.

He had been very sick towards the end of his life, and I used to visit him once or twice a week to keep him company. That particular day I couldn’t visit him because I was on a school trip and that was the day he passed away. I carried a lot of guilt about that for many years.

The memory stays with me of seeing him in the morgue—both the love and grief I felt and the profound reality of loss. It was a moment that marked me deeply, teaching me about the importance of presence and saying farewell in our own way, even if it is extremely difficult. I still didn't sleep that well that night! something inside me had shifted.

Having attended many funerals throughout my life, I still find it strange to look at a coffin, it's shape... and know that the person, who was moving, laughing, living....now is "in there" and just....still. Waiting to wherever it goes to next, either behind the curtain or outside for a burial.

I have also attended a funeral where due to their religous preferences there was no casket just a photo with flowers on a table. That was equally strange! A topic for another time, but funerals also bring their own dimensions to grieving, love, loss and healing.

My next encounter with a dead body wasn't until last year, during my "human" work in palliative care. A gentleman had passed away earlier that day, and the funeral team arrived to move his body. The stiffness of rigor mortis had set in, and I wasn’t fully prepared for this and how the body looked as I helped to move the body into the body bag and zipped it up. I stayed composed but I did feel like the blood drained out from my legs!

When I got home, it took me some time to process everything I was feeling from what I had seee stored as snapshots in my memory bank. Death often reminds us of the death and grief we have experienced before, what's left unresolved can come to the surface. But that's okay—I now have the tools in my kit that I didn’t have when I was 17.

Each death I experience leaves a lasting impression on my understanding of the human experience and process of life and death. For some, this experience can be deeply comforting; it allows us to say farewell and accept the reality of their passing. For others, it can be overwhelming, unsettling, or even traumatic. Whatever your feelings, know that there is no right or wrong way to process this moment.

Culture significantly influences the death and dying process by shaping beliefs, rituals, and attitudes toward mortality, grieving, and end-of-life care, thereby affecting how individuals and communities experience and cope with death. It's fascinating and so very important.

Respecting Your Feelings

Seeing a loved one in a morgue is often a complex mixture of emotions—denial, grief, love, shock, to relief that they are no longer suffering. Honour your feelings, whatever they may be and allow yourself to acknowledge your emotions without judgment.

The Power of Connection

Many people report feeling a sense of peace or closeness during this experience. They say that seeing their loved one’s body helps them accept the loss and begin the rollercoaster healing process. Sometimes, it provides a final opportunity for closure.

Tips for Navigating the Experience

• Prepare yourself emotionally: Take a moment to breathe deeply and gather your thoughts before entering.

• Bring a loved one or support: Having someone you trust with you can provide comfort and strength.

• Keep your intentions clear: Approach the situation with respect and love, aiming to honour your loved one’s memory and the memories you have shared together.

• Allow yourself to feel: It’s normal to experience av huge range of emotions—crying, silence or numbness to even moments of calm or acceptance.

• Seek support no matter how long afterwards: to help you to process the experience if you're finding how you feel to difficult to process.

It’s a personal journey and everyone grieves differently. Some find solace in seeing their loved one one last time, while others prefer to remember them as they were in life. Neither choice is right or wrong—what matters most is honouring your own feelings and needs. Healing takes time, be gentle with youself.

How to navigate not being able to attend a funeral of someone very close is also very difficult - I'll save that for another post :)

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Blessings to you,

Sara

"Always be inspired."